Brokenness.

   How is it already the end of January?! My apologies for not posting in the last few weeks: work is beginning to get busy thanks to the upcoming tax season, I had very little break during the holidays from my four classes so I was catching up with them, plus I had midterms for a few of the classes last week, my mom had minor surgery on her hand, etc., etc., etc.. You all know how crazy life can get just when you think it can't get any busier. Anyway... 

   I wanted to share a thought that I had a few weeks ago. Scars are not pretty, but scars are a part of your story. Physical or emotional, visible or hidden, they are there. We all have them, but what we choose to do with them is up to us. They can remind us of how terrible things were and how broken we felt, but they can also show God's incredible love, mercy, and grace for bringing you through.

   Mandisa is one of my favorite Christian artists, and her album 'Overcomer' has become a huge blessing recently as I have been listening to it again. Her song "What Scars Are For" actually triggered the above thought in my head. Hearing the song and actually paying attention to the words are two different things and I actually listened to the words recently... Whoa. The chorus is below.

"They remind me of Your faithfulness

And all You brought me through.

They teach me that my brokenness

Is something You can use.

They show me where I’ve been and

That I’m not there any more,

That’s what scars, that’s what scars are for."

   That chorus hit me like a train at full speed: being so broken that there is no where else to run to, no one else to turn to but God. Wow. Psalm 51:14-17 says this:

"Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,

The God of my salvation,

And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.

O Lord, open my lips,

And my mouth shall show forth Your praise.

For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;

You do not delight in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

A broken and a contrite heart—

These, O God, You will not despise."

   Not only do we feel broken, but we feel guilty and empty. What can I offer God when I have nothing in me? There is nothing left for my family, my friends, myself, so what could I possibly give to Him? Here's the thing. He wants your brokenness. He wants the emptiness of your soul. He wants you when you have nothing left to give. We question why anyone would want us when we are like that but it's what God does. He takes those shattered pieces of our lives and begins to mold them into something that He can use to show His faithfulness and grace. 

   Hopefully, my point was made, but if not, here it is in a nutshell: God wants the broken bits of you to bring glory to His name. Remember that when you have nothing, He is everything. 

~ Abby

2016... Knowing Him.

   How was everyone’s Christmas and New Years? The week of Christmas was ridiculously busy, but in a good way. I had my company’s Christmas luncheon the same day my sister and I had our annual Christmas party! (Pictures to follow.) Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were both quiet and peaceful spent with friends and family and I was even able to get a bit of homework done Christmas evening. A few days before the new year, I was sick with some sort of 24-hour stomach bug and thankfully, I’m beginning to feel better. I’m still a little achy and tired, but overall, much better.

   The year ended on a good note: our college Sunday school class was able to get together for breakfast on New Year’s Eve which was wonderful. We don’t get to spend a lot of time together because so many are busy with jobs, school, or live out of state. But I’m so thankful that we were able to spend some time together. Later that afternoon, my best friend, whom I haven’t seen since the end of July (!!!), drove up from down south and spent New Year’s with me! Finally able to catch up in person and share things that happened in the last five months was incredible, and then we ended the year at my church, taking part in Holy Communion right at midnight. There is nothing like beginning the new year with God.

   Our church’s verse for this year is just the first five words of Philippians 3:10… “that I may know Him…” Our pastor said how, yes we want to know about our God and that in itself is marvelous, but our goal, our resolution, should be to not just know about Him, but to actually know Him. It struck me how I may know Bible facts, I may know characters and stories from the Bible, but how much do I truly know Him?

   Personally, I do not make resolutions, mainly because I have no confidence in myself to keep them. I’ve gone two, maybe three weeks keeping my goals and then I fall off the wagon. As people kept asking me what I was going to do in the new year, I began to think of this year and how many times I failed to turn to the Lord when I should have. Then, someone out of the blue asked what my favorite Bible verse was… of course, there are tons, how could I choose?! I was reminded of the Scripture that I have been given several times over the last eight or nine years of my life.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk, and not faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31

   Patience is not one of my strong points (not sure if it ever will be). But my promise for 2016 is to turn to Him in those moments when I cannot handle anything else. When this world becomes too overwhelming and I feel myself falling, I can turn for one more ounce of strength, one more ounce of faith, to my Father. This world does not offer a remedy to those moments and situations, all they can give is a temporary fix, a distraction. But, my God can offer the solution: HIMSELF ALONE. So that became my promise to myself: in my moments of panic, distress, loss of trust, worry, stress, I will take the time to pause, give Him everything, and wait on Him.

   I pray that if you make resolutions, you are able to keep them with God’s help and that you, my dear readers, will grow closer to our Lord. Take time this year to actually know our Creator. Not just know about Him (which is awesome!), but to know Him.

May you be blessed in 2016!

~Abby

(There was no copyright with the picture, but I wanted to note that it is not mine.)

Not a mistake.

     When I went through some of those dark times this year, (see post from December 10th here), one of the thoughts that I struggled with a lot was feeling that I was meaningless, worthless, and a mistake. These feelings came at times when I did not have control over something or I was unable to change a situation, when I messed up an assignment for school, or caused a problem with something at work. I am not sharing this to look for sympathetic comments, but to share how the Lord helped me overcome these thoughts.

Psalm 139. Wow.

O Lord, you have examined my heart

    and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.

    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

You see me when I travel

    and when I rest at home.

    You know everything I do.

You know what I am going to say

    even before I say it, Lord.

You go before me and follow me.

    You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!

    I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there;

    if I go down to the grave, you are there.

If I ride the wings of the morning,

    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

  even there your hand will guide me,

    and your strength will support me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me

    and the light around me to become night—

     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

    Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.

    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

    before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

    They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them;

    they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,

    you are still with me!

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!

    Get out of my life, you murderers!

They blaspheme you;

    your enemies misuse your name.

O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?

    Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?

Yes, I hate them with total hatred,

    for your enemies are my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.      ~ Psalm 139 (NLT)

     Verse 16 in this translation is absolutely beautiful -

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

before a single day had passed.

     I cannot begin to describe how much this verse helped me. How could I have no meaning when God planned out every moment of my life?! It still boggles my mind that the Creator of the universe, Savior of every single person of the world took the time to think about little me. I believe this will always be something that caused me to wonder at the awesomeness of our God. 

     Those thoughts, that storm I was struggling through, God knew about that before He created our world, before I was even a thought. He saw me and calmed that storm within me. "Thank You, Lord," doesn't seem like enough, but Lord, thank You. 

~ Abby

Busy & Blessed

     It's the most hectic, crazy time right now and not just because of the Christmas season... I realized that when people ask me how I am, I always say busy. I've been saying "Good, busy, you?" for probably the last five years of my life. Maybe it's the just this time in my life, between being involved at church, college, trying to have a little bit of social life, and everything else. Honestly, I'm one of those people who need to be busy because otherwise I am incredibly lazy. So yes, while it's exhausting, I don't think I could not be busy. But that's when this passage comes in as a great encouragement:

Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. ~ Galatians 6:6-10

     While I do not always want to be this busy, maybe this is God telling me that while I can, I need to use this time for Him. Yes, I get stressed out over it all at times, but honestly since I have been listening to the Lord's voice more and more over the lat few months, the busyness and stress has a point. It's not just me making myself crazy. I have this time and I have to use it wisely.

~ Abby

A Little Lesson

     As I lie on my kitchen floor writing a paper for my Music History class, I stop and think. Getting overwhelmed by homework and assignments and reading is easy for me to do. But the Lord put it on my heart that one of the reasons I've struggled with this is because I rely on myself too much. With that in mind, I'm working on this, and I have been asking the Lord to give me His wisdom and peace. He gave me this verse:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;

A good understanding have all those who do His commandments.

His praise endures forever.

~Psalm 111:10

     When I take the time to seek out who this God I serve truly is, I can find that wisdom. I can begin to understand His commands and truths. I am truly thankful that the Lord takes the time to show us these little lessons. 

~Abby