Not a mistake.

     When I went through some of those dark times this year, (see post from December 10th here), one of the thoughts that I struggled with a lot was feeling that I was meaningless, worthless, and a mistake. These feelings came at times when I did not have control over something or I was unable to change a situation, when I messed up an assignment for school, or caused a problem with something at work. I am not sharing this to look for sympathetic comments, but to share how the Lord helped me overcome these thoughts.

Psalm 139. Wow.

O Lord, you have examined my heart

    and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.

    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

You see me when I travel

    and when I rest at home.

    You know everything I do.

You know what I am going to say

    even before I say it, Lord.

You go before me and follow me.

    You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!

    I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there;

    if I go down to the grave, you are there.

If I ride the wings of the morning,

    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

  even there your hand will guide me,

    and your strength will support me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me

    and the light around me to become night—

     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

    Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.

    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

    before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

    They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them;

    they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,

    you are still with me!

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!

    Get out of my life, you murderers!

They blaspheme you;

    your enemies misuse your name.

O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?

    Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?

Yes, I hate them with total hatred,

    for your enemies are my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.      ~ Psalm 139 (NLT)

     Verse 16 in this translation is absolutely beautiful -

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

before a single day had passed.

     I cannot begin to describe how much this verse helped me. How could I have no meaning when God planned out every moment of my life?! It still boggles my mind that the Creator of the universe, Savior of every single person of the world took the time to think about little me. I believe this will always be something that caused me to wonder at the awesomeness of our God. 

     Those thoughts, that storm I was struggling through, God knew about that before He created our world, before I was even a thought. He saw me and calmed that storm within me. "Thank You, Lord," doesn't seem like enough, but Lord, thank You. 

~ Abby