Monday, April 9, 2012

Better mood, upcoming plans, & goodbye to a dear saint!

I'm in a little bit better mode than the other day. So yeah... thanks for letting me rant!


So, I have 13 days left with my college program, then a break. I don't know how long, but I'll be blogging during that time about things that the Lord is showing me. I am not going to let my life go to waste. I'm not going to wait for tomorrow, for other people, for things to happen to me. I am going to make things happen myself. I'm creating a list of things to do before the end of this year. I'll post some of the list on here and then as I actually accomplish things.  I am not going to let life pass me by.


A few things on my list- (not in any particular order)
1) go to New York City with some friends and just wander and take pictures.
2) learn to embroider
3) go with my friends to the beach/park/shopping/etc.
4) redo my room (without spending a lot of money.
5) Most Importantly- get deeper into God's Word and be more of an encouragement to my friends.


As I go, I'll update on my progress and other things that I'm doing. But for the next 13 days, I am still in school and I'm going to focus on that. 


Your prayers are appreciated greatly!
~Abby


Just wanted to thank God for taking home a dear servant of God yesterday, Bro. Dan. I am friends with his niece and nephew and my prayers go to them at this time. Seriously, if you see this, please know that I am praying for you. He is celebrating with the angels right now and worshiping his Maker! Thank you Lord for the promise of eternal life! 


"And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?” -John 11:26


Leave comments and ask me questions below!!!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

frustration.

So I haven't posted in about 2 months. It's been crazy, working two jobs, studying World Religions, keeping up with church stuff, etc. As much as I love being really busy, I hate not being able to focus on certain things.


I am stopping my college program on April 22nd for 2 main reasons. 1) I do not feel called to what I was doing. I learned a lot about different things and myself, but it wasn't working. Plus, I was sick of failing. Failing tests made me feel stupid and also that feeling that I disappointed my parents, my coach, etc. My confidence was so low at some points that all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. So I was tired of that feeling.  2) I am sick and tired of feeling alone. I know that I have a strong "back up group" but at the same time, I still feel alone. As a home schooler for my whole life, it never bothered me to be at home while half of my friends went to public school. It never bothered me until now. There are a number of students doing this college program and they are doing great. But I was tired of feeling separated from everyone else. My parents, my sister, my colleagues, my close friends all supported me through the past two years, but I was just tired of not having connections with other people.


So that's that. No because of the above decision, I now have to think about what God wants me to do. Am I supposed to go away to college or stay home? If I do go, what do I study? Where do I go? If I stay home, do I just work and be involved with my church even more than I am? These are the questions that I am asking myself multiple times a week. But I have no answers for myself, or anyone else.


So for at least the next few months, I will be writing, taking photos, making memories, going places, meeting new people, and just being myself. I wish there was an option for me where all I had to do was remind people that life isn't so bad, to smile, to remember Who made them, to live life, to love no matter what the cost, to be happy. I have not found that yet. I was once told that I had something that no one else had- a Doctorate in Being Abby. Being myself. It's hard to believe that when I have so much going against me (or at least that how it feels.)


I'm sorry that this turned into a sort of rant. It isn't grammatically correct and if it doesn't make much sense, I apologize, but I do feel better now that I got it out.


Thanks for listening (reading).
Abby