My heart is so full!

I made it up to camp for 18 hours. Within 26(ish) hours, Mom and I drove up there, surprised a bunch of people including my Dad and sister Elizabeth, sat in a wonderful meeting, ate camp food, celebrated the 4th of July, and drove home. But it is amazing what 18 hours on those grounds can do.

Panoramic view of the lake from Watch Rock
Brant Lake, NY

I was reminded of how much God loves me. Insignificant, full of doubts, usually stressed, freaking out, loud and sometimes obnoxious, small me. 

Let me share some context here... I try to only show the "good stuff" about me. I try to always be positive. I try to always put other people first. I try to always be praying and encouraging other people. I try to stay happy and upbeat, sharing smiley faces and Bible verses. 

But that's not me probably 70% of the time if I'm being really honest.

Sometimes, I am mean and selfish. Sometimes, I ignore people. Sometimes, I say terrible things. Sometimes, I am impatient and nasty. Sometimes, I am jealous and inconsiderate. Sometimes, I am lazy and stubborn. Sometimes, I am thoughtless and gullible.

I doubt myself. I doubt other people. I stress over things I cannot change. I stress over things I can change. I am overemotional. I am critical, mostly of myself. I am often negative. I am often discouraged. I am often angry. I am often feeling lost or abandoned. I often let the bad thoughts take over.

But God loves me.

In spite of all of those awful things about myself, God loves me. God loves me because of who He is. God loves me because He wants me. 

The Maker of the universe, the Creator of heaven and earth, the Mighty Savior of the entire world, the Alpha and Omega, the Sovereign King, the Living Truth, the Three-In-One, the gracious Provider, the Holy Comforter, the eternal, loving, just, glorious, merciful, patient, righteous, forgiving, amazing, powerful, understanding, good, wise, faithful, infinite, unchanging, Lord of all, 

loves me. 

WHAT?!

I can doubt it. I can question it. I can wrestle with it. I can fight it. It's not going to change. No matter my reaction, He is not going to change and He is going to love little me.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son,

that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world,

but that the world through Him might be saved.

John 3:16 & 17

But God demonstrates His own love toward us,

in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent

His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent

His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 

1 John 4:9 & 10

Many Christians already know this and have already come to understand how wonderful this is and I don't want people to think that I didn't know God loves me or that I have not accepted Him into my heart and life, but for me... this was a moment. Adonai, Elohim, Jehovah loves me and I cannot ignore it. He stands there with wide-open arms, waiting for me to accept this gift of love. 

So now I have three choices: I can walk away from all of this completely; I can accept it and go on with my life like nothing has changed; or... I can allow this knowledge to change me.

Walking away is not an option. Leaving my Christian walk, no matter how hard it gets, it not a choice. Accepting God's love and not allowing it to change me doesn't seem to make much sense. But that third option? Do I want my life to be changed? Absolutely. I want this undeniable, unchanging fact of God's love to permeate my heart and completely transform me, mind, body, and soul.

Will it solve all my problems? Will it make all my decisions easy? Will it make me happy and positive all the time? Nope. 

But it will make me different because I cannot ignore the unwavering fact that He loves me. My Father sees a woman seeking after Him and His will no matter what the cost. I'm not perfect, but I know He is making me into His perfection. I'm a work in progress. I'm getting there and by His grace, mercy, and love, I will continue to reach for that in my life.

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; 

but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which 

Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.

Philippians 3:12

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,

which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:10

My challenge to you is this: accept God's love for you. He sent His Son to die because of little you. Don't ignore that gift because you're scared or you don't understand it. 

Not a mistake.

     When I went through some of those dark times this year, (see post from December 10th here), one of the thoughts that I struggled with a lot was feeling that I was meaningless, worthless, and a mistake. These feelings came at times when I did not have control over something or I was unable to change a situation, when I messed up an assignment for school, or caused a problem with something at work. I am not sharing this to look for sympathetic comments, but to share how the Lord helped me overcome these thoughts.

Psalm 139. Wow.

O Lord, you have examined my heart

    and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.

    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

You see me when I travel

    and when I rest at home.

    You know everything I do.

You know what I am going to say

    even before I say it, Lord.

You go before me and follow me.

    You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!

    I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there;

    if I go down to the grave, you are there.

If I ride the wings of the morning,

    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

  even there your hand will guide me,

    and your strength will support me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me

    and the light around me to become night—

     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

    Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.

    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

    before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

    They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them;

    they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,

    you are still with me!

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!

    Get out of my life, you murderers!

They blaspheme you;

    your enemies misuse your name.

O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?

    Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?

Yes, I hate them with total hatred,

    for your enemies are my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.      ~ Psalm 139 (NLT)

     Verse 16 in this translation is absolutely beautiful -

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

before a single day had passed.

     I cannot begin to describe how much this verse helped me. How could I have no meaning when God planned out every moment of my life?! It still boggles my mind that the Creator of the universe, Savior of every single person of the world took the time to think about little me. I believe this will always be something that caused me to wonder at the awesomeness of our God. 

     Those thoughts, that storm I was struggling through, God knew about that before He created our world, before I was even a thought. He saw me and calmed that storm within me. "Thank You, Lord," doesn't seem like enough, but Lord, thank You. 

~ Abby

God is right here...

Hey!
I haven't posted like I hoped last week! So sorry! Life gets crazy real quick...

Just something quick... I've learned this past week that distance doesn't separate us from God. He's right then when you ask Him. Isn't that awesome? Simple, yet we often find it super hard to understand. Thank God that He is patient with us!

Blessings,
~Abby

Encouragement

Hi all! A few words to update and encourage!

Our homeschooling convention went better than we hoped! Yeah! God is so god to those who put their trust in Him! ~Psalm 78:7~

I went to Pilgrim camp for Memorial Day Weekend. I worked hard, saw many old friends, and was blessed by the meetings!

I feel like I need to say this again. God is just so awesome! When you think you can't handle anymore, God is right there for you. He never gives us anything we cannot handle. He is there through it all. It doesn't feel like that all the time. We feel like no one is there and that is far from the truth. GOD IS THERE. He's with you at school, home, work, in your car, etc. ALWAYS. I'm still learning this truth. Believe me, I don't have it all down pat. I can't give you steps 1, 2, & 3 and the problem will go away. But, most the most important thing is to realize that HE is there. HE is right beside you, and sometimes, He's carrying you through. If you can accept that fact, such a peace will cover you and the situation may not get better; in fact, it might get worse. BUT you will have peace, knowing that it's all under the blood!

Here are two songs that have been encouraging me recently.  

"Through it all,

 through it all,

 I've learned to trust in Jesus,

 I've learned to trust in God.

 Through it all,

 through it all,

 I've learned to depend upon His Word." - Andrae Crouch

"His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,

His power no boundary known unto men;

For out of His infinite riches in Jesus

He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again." - Annie Flint

Meditate today on the fact that God is carrying you "Through it all!"

Blessings!

~Abby

PS - Prayer Requests: 1) My mom - she is having some health issues that require lots of prayer! 2) A friend's mom had a heart attack last Friday and she had an operation and appears to be doing fine, praise God! Please pray for her recovery. 3) A dear friend is in the army right now. He is in basic training in Oklahoma (unaffected by the tornadoes) but please pray that He grows spiritually even more! 4) The people that were affected by the tornadoes in Oklahoma! For peace and comfort for all involved!